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Twilight Sparkle Vs. Mister Ed is the second installment of Moleman's Epic Rap Battles, released on May 12, 2013. It features antique talking TV horse Mister Ed rapping against My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic characters Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash.

LyricsEdit

Mister EdEdit

A horse is a horse, of course, of course, except for you, you little freak!

Your fans are a bunch of obsessed and whiny pervert manchild geeks!

What? You say they're cool? Don't make me laugh, for God's sakes.

I mean, how can you say that when they write sick shit like Cupcakes?

And even though you've got that fancy horn and live with a little dragon,

You're weak! You couldn't even pull your own show's bandwagon!

You're purple like Barney,

And you look like a carny!

I'll terminate you like Arnie,

'Til you're deader than Jim Varney!

My show is classic; yours is saccharine and spastic.

You practice witchcraft, while my words are true magic!

And I'm breaking my oath of only talking to one guy,

To spit these mad rhymes that'll make even Celestia cry!

To create you, Faust must have made a deal with the devil,

But when I'm done, your Ponyville will be leveled.

So save me some trouble, and put your mouth on that curb,

So I can stomp you with my hoof and blame it on Wilbur!

Twilight SparkleEdit

Are you quite finished yapping? Your scary words don't trick me.

Your threats are idle; you're a more pathetic bitch than Trixie!

You're a one–trick–pony; I'm the coolest thing on TV;

I'll grab my friends and blast you with the Elements of Harmony!

The name's Twilight Sparkle; not a pansy vampire, either.

This will be a bigger landslide than Beethoven vs. Bieber!

And trust me: when you try to talk shit about Bronies,

You make yourself a bigger target than Joseph Kony!

Besides, last I checked, there are plenty of perverts in your land.

Might I remind you of Equus, or the infamous Mr. Hands?

You claim to be a stallion, but you act more like a llama.

You're boring! You're a lamer villain than King Sombra!

I can't see how you were ever a hit, even in the 60's;

The only Eds on television worth watching are these three!

Now, back to me: Do you seriously think you can win this?

You're an ugly old mule; I'm a magical goddess.

Mister EdEdit

Wait, what? You grew wings? That has to be a joke!

It's a bigger shark–jumping than FRYING THE COKE!

I'll trample you as soon as I'm freed from this stable,

So come at me, Has–bro, if you think yourself able!

I'll turn your hooves into glitter glue, mount your head on a wall!

And as for your little friends, I'll exterminate them all!

I'll shove Pinkie in the oven and make a pizza pie,

Feed Rarity to a Manticore and snap the neck of Fluttershy!

I'll go Sweet Apple Massacre on Applejack,

Murder Rainbow Dash and take a dump on her memorial plaque!

I'll put Derpy down like Old Yeller; be quick to pull the trigger.

I see you've realized you'll lose; took you long enough, ni– (*Record scratch*)

Rainbow DashEdit

Boo! Boo! Those are my two words for you!

You keep talking trash, but you're a bigger chicken than Scootaloo!

I run the full color spectrum of awesomeness;

You're a dull, unappealing, monochrome mess!

And this horse of a lack of color will be in for a jolt,

When I hijack this cloud and strike him with Wonderbolts!

Rainbow Dash is best pony, you racist old nag.

I'm 20,000% cooler than you, bitch! Swag.

Listen here, Francis: I'll beat you in ten seconds flat.

I've got the Sonic Rainboom; there's no way you can top that!

This kid's already gone further then you ever did, sucker!

So I'll leave you with this:

TASTE THE RAINBOW, MOTHERFUCKER!

TriviaEdit

  • This is the only battle in the series with a line (the Ed, Edd & Eddy reference) that fully relies on its visual accompaniment for understanding.

PollEdit

Who Won?
 
3
 
2
 

The poll was created at 21:24 on April 11, 2014, and so far 5 people voted.
Twilight Sparkle Vs. Mister Ed
MERB2
Battle Information
Release Date May 12, 2013
Number 2
Views 1,500+
Length 4:30
Timeline
Previous Gwen Vs. Daria
Next Sally Acorn Vs. Mega Man
Other Information
Actors Molemanninethousand, Toby Navarro
Rappers Mister Ed, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash

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