Penelope Vs. Gadget Hackwrench is the fourth episode of Moleman's Epic Rap Battles. It features Sly Cooper character and inventor Penelope (billed as the Black Baron) against Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers character and inventor Gadget Hackwrench, with Inspector Gadget mainstay and inventor Penny Gadget.
Okay, seriously? Again? I mean, really?
We've been through this before. We all know it's you, Penelope.
What's with you and disguises? Are you some sort of schizo?
In any case, crazy or not, you're a dirtier rat than Rizzo.
I'll get the obvious out of the way; better to say it now than later:
Just like Peter "Scabbers" Pettigrew, you're a no–good little traitor!
You sold out your only friends in the world… to a skunk.
Are you dense? Are you brainwashed or something? Are you drunk?
No, I'm convinced you're just an idiot, plainly and simply.
You're rightfully hated, whereas people freaking worship me!
You may have numerous skills, but they won't matter at all
When I chuck my namesake straight into your face like "Dodgeball"!
No Sly trick of yours will work against this opponent.
Don't you know who I am? I'm the MacGyver of rodents!
I'll Sucker Punch you back to the Dark Ages, you loon!
If you're the Black Knight, I'll be leaving you with more than just a flesh wound.
You've made it clear you hold yourself in very high esteem…
But I'm convinced you've slept with every other member of your team.
You can go ahead and call me a back–stabbing bitch.
I really don't care; I'm brilliant, powerful and rich!
My crimes will slip right through the cracks in your feeble little mind.
I'm smarter than you and all your ranger friends combined!
The bottom line is this: I'm a real genius, you're not.
You build contraptions from garbage while I construct giant robots!
Consider this, Gadget: I invented freaking time travel!
On a whim, I could make your whole existence unravel.
Or, if you prefer, I could alternatively prove my might
By blowing your puny Ranger Wing to bits in a dogfight!
In a pirate sword duel, I'd take you down gently…
…By which I mean I'd leave you more crippled than Bentley!
It's hard to choose among the many ways in which I could own you.
I've looked you up; it's clear that all your fans just want to bone you.
Stop. Right. There. I am on the very verge of R.A.G.E.
You must have more brain damage than Phineas Gage!
And if you're a pirate, then you're worse than those guys in Somalia.
And that yellow jumpsuit; who do you think you are, April O'Neyla?!
It's like you're going out of your way to seem unsympathetic.
Here's some serious advice: say something apologetic!
I'm giving you one last chance: back off, or by golly,
I'll string you up and hang you out to dry like Sir Raleigh!
You know what? Fine: I regret what I've done…
…But don't you start thinking that this means you've won!
Evil or not, I'm still ten times a bigger genius than you.
I'm the very best this side of Emmet Brown at what I do!
My machines will change the world; yours belong at a science fair:
Their success rate is less consistent than the color of your hair!
Again, I have freaking time travel, so keep your 2x4 tech,
Because it's gonna get wrecked in this duel of mice and mechs!
(*Record Scratch, music stops, screen goes black*)
==Inspector Gadget:== Go–Go–Gadget beat!
(*Completely different music, derived from the theme of a certain cartoon, starts up*)
I've been watching you two, and I just had to step in.
Both of you vermin can scram, because I'm hacking this transmission.
This battle isn't over, so don't you dare touch that "back" switch.
You wanted Penelope and Gadget? Well, I'm Penny Gadget, bitch!
If you obscure losers plan on trying to best me with your raps,
Then you better Look Out for my verbal mousetrap!
Try to strike back against this prodigal ace,
And I'll send your words back at you, where they'll blow up in your face!
All your talk of your contraptions is driving me M.A.D.
Keep your fictional junk; I made the very first iPad!
As long as I'm here, Penelope, you can forget about crime,
Because just like Dr. Claw, I'll stop you every single time!
And Hackwrench, on your heroics: you can also forget it.
I'll solve all your puny problems, and take all the credit!
I don't need Brain or my uncle to beat you!
I'm human, you're rodents; you're no match for my shoe.
- First battle with a third-party.
- First battle wherein the Announcer has lines outside the norm.