| Gruntilda Vs. Handsome Jack
| Battle Information
||August 16, 2014
||Siegfried Schtauffen Vs. Arthas Menethil
||Mad Max Vs. The Vault Dweller
| Other Information
Gruntilda Vs. Handsome Jack is the twenty-third installment of Moleman's Epic Rap Battles. It features Borderlands antagonist Handsome Jack against Banjo-Kazooie antagonist Gruntilda. It was released on August 16, 2014.
Johnny Navarro as Handsome Jack
Toby Navarro as Gruntilda
Tony Maier as Mumbo Jumbo (Cameo)
Handsome Jack here, and let me tell you how it goes:
I shoot my critics in the face; Badaboom, case closed.
Amped stings like a Bee in a C.C. combo;
No hag's gonna hurt the Hyperion honcho!
You've got a cliffside in the shape of your prune–face,
And a masochist hunchback stumped by a boulder.
I've got Jackmore and an all–seeing moon–base;
Razing bandit cities up from orbit with my mortars!
No safe Haven; out for blood on your trail.
Catch a train to Sanctuary, and I blow it off the rails!
Yo, Blake, heads up: better fetch my violin;
I'll be playing this squawker off, because the hero always wins!
If you come up to my lair today,
A big Nasty Surprise is surely headed your way;
It's No Place for a Hero, nor a douchey Skag–licker.
I'm a legendary giant; badass heavy–hitter!
Lifetime prime rhymer, Rare rapper; tricky–dicky.
Boss with a Boom Box; down for getting Jiggy–wiggy!
I've got curses by the Vault–full to wreck your regime;
Blow your 'bots to Nuts and Bolts and make Wilhelm Scream. (Aaaaaah!)
Flush you down Loggo, grind your guts inside of Clanker;
I'm chock–full of Moxxi, from my warts to my cankers!
You're in Cloud Cuckooland to think you'll come out on top;
I'd sooner count my eggs for solving Stop 'n' Swop!
Now here's a fun little quiz; put your smarts to the test:
Who's the witty, witchy, wicked wench you can't put to rest?
That's me, Grunty: 'top my tragedy tower,
Hailing fire from the peak upon this two–faced little coward!
You don't know Jack; better quit it with the gibbering:
I'll have my girl Sheriff lynch your ass for verbal littering!
I get the Sirens blaring with my Presence in a match;
You're as full of hot air as that pathetic Mr. Patch!
Think your googly–eyed goons are gonna get to this Invader?
Watch me crack your stupid cactus; mighty like a Jinjonator.
You'll crash and burn harder than Professor Nakayama;
When you get to Hell, tell I said "hi" to grandmama.
Own a Pandora's Box worth of gunrunning gear;
Mutilate you like our preservation slagging "volunteers".
Shake the floor's foundations; think construction engineers.
Spitting out more gems than Butt Stallion's rear!
I'm a god among men, and I Butcher with impunity,
Spoon–scooping eyes out at every Opportunity;
A sorcerer, a titan! Come and get me, giant witch;
Moral of the story is, you're nothing but a total Bitch.
…How unbefitting! I've lost my precious skin,
And yet the crone is still kicking; guess I got a Second Wind.
Even prone to keeping at it from a shallow grave limbo;
Now I'll see your fanny flattened like a house of grey Jinjos!
It's on like Donkey Kong; I'm Overpowered to the limit.
You're an egotist Goliath with the manhood of a midget!
Call me Grunty the Invincible; no way you can beat me,
And I'll wipe your saved game if you endeavor to cheat me!
I'm not even gonna question how the hell you're still alive;
It won't make a note of difference when my Warrior arrives!
My majestic voice ECHOes from the Highlands to the Dust,
With trespassers facing death by a Thousand Cuts.
I boast bazillions of boomsticks; your broomstick's screwed.
Serving prime rib rhymes; yours are stale fast food.
Quit your Mumbo Jumbo–spewing, 'cause for all your Claptrap,
You're outgunned by a bird in a bear's backpack!
That's a dingy pot of disses you're unloading there, mister;
Should've studied on my secrets with my goody–goody sister!
I weld swell spells with all the power of a factory,
Silencing a sucker like my family's anastrophe!
You're headed for catastrophe; imperiled like a saucer,
When I use you as a battery like your beloved daughter:
Flip a switch, and your handsome looks are altogether slaughtered.
Best Game Over ever; Grunty's looking rather hotter!
Eekum Bokum, New-U is very good!
Meet with Mumbo at my magic–making mountain, Grunty should.